The Good The Bad & The ANNOYING! oh boy...

The GOOD:

Wow, I need some practice here... I need to start doing my daily gratitude journal again... Finding something good to write about shouldn't be this hard!    OK... Now that I have my head on straight....   THE GOOD:  I am happy to report that I have one of those Men in my life that actually think of me and even in the insanity of life and the world, he manages to make me feel loved and special.
Exhibit A- I came to bed the other night to find a box under my covers.  When I asked what it was and why it was in my bed, he simply replied, "It's a 'just because' gift... I know I haven't been here much and you have not been given the time with me you deserve and so I wanted you to know I was sorry and I am thinking about you."    So I open it and I got a bit giddy...  Yes, I said GIDDY... You see, this is something I have wanted for a little while, and my BFF LP had just got one, and I fell in L.O.V.E. with hers and just HAD to get my own! It would be perfect because we can trade shells when we get bored with them!  I looked inside the box to find a Miche Bag of my very own! Oh, & not just ANY Miche Bag, but the giraffe print with red trim! SO FREAKIN CUTE!  If you don't know what they are you are missing out.  They are purses with interchangeable shells!  You just lift the inner shell out and put it into the one you want.  No more unpacking to change purses for me!  Now the hardest part of my future purse shopping is choosing what shells I want next...  ;)   

This one is at the top of my wish list... It is "The Drew"  Isn't it SO PRETTY?    Ya... Still giddy...  :)

The BAD:

In the aftermath of THE DEED, I sat & wondered what in the HELL prompted me to walk into my bathroom & start chopping off all my beautiful long hair... OH YES I DID... And NO... I am NOT a hair dresser nor have I had any training what-so-ever.   I made a mess of it, then refused to go get it fixed. And over the next 4 days as I tried to "fix" it more & more it just got shorter & shorter... I finally had to just STOP!  Bald wasn't my thing & I was heading there fast. Now for the why of it??? Well, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure it out... I thought about it & I have decided that I did it because I was punishing myself.  For what you ask?  KILLING MY CAT!  I know that if I didn't love my Fido-Kitten so much that this hole in my chest where my heart is supposed to be wouldn't exist.  And it really isn't the grief of LOSING him that is tearing me apart, although I miss the hell out of him, it is the fact that I killed him!  Call it what you want... putting them to sleep, "helping them transition", ya well... BULLSHIT... I killed him!  I told the Dr. it was OK to inject him with meds that would stop his heart & kill him, PERIOD.  And yes, I understand he would have had a rough & painful time if we hadn't done it, and yes he was already having trouble eating... but my head isn't in charge right now... my heart & my pain are...  So that afternoon after watching the life leave his body, I came home... and started to cut...  I guess for now we are still in the 'anger' stage... So my hair will remain as it is. 

The ANNOYING:

I am a self admitted control freak, so is it any wonder there are times when I am being intimate with my sweet Hubby that I totally FREAK OUT ON HIM?   Well... I guess not.
I read these very steamy books about these intense men who literally are so into their woman that the intensity of it reaches out of the pages and a wave of heat and pleasure rock your body to the core.  They practically breath their woman into them... it's very intense, and very carnal.  I LOVE READING IT!!!
So why oh why then, when my man climbs into bed, looks deep into my Soul, and has that same intensity about him, do I literally feel as if I cannot breath and that he is about to suffocate the life from me?  Why do I get freaked out and actually find myself almost gasping for air as if I have a pillow over my face? Is it really a control thing or is it something else?  


................  OH... Are you waiting for MY enlightened response?  MY answer? Well..  Hell if I know! That is why I am posting this to YOU!!!  Help????  Anyone?   Anyone?
So I leave it out there in the ether of the web... maybe someone will have the answer... or not.


I hope this finds everyone safe, grounded and surrounded by loved ones.
It is a very unsettling time for so many...  PLEASE... take a moment to send some love to Japan... The people and the Planet could sure use it.


Namaste' & PEACE OUT!


Franki Lynn