My Son TJ who just turned 7yrs old attends a very good school. He attends a Montessori Charter & they encourage the children to be self sufficient and learn to handle their own conflict resolution. I support this and have been trying to be patient... UNTIL NOW!
So here goes... I pick him up yesterday and one of the staff follows him out to let me know they had some "trouble" at recess and wanted me to be aware that he and 3 other boys decided the best way to handle it was to say they would just "Kill themselves". YES FOLKS 7 year old boys... I immediately had my heart sink and panic overtook my head. I didn't know what to say to him and my gut reaction was to just MAKE HIM NEVER THINK THAT AGAIN... OK, yes it was irrational, and NO... I didn't say it to him... but my thoughts were racing... I went from... Is this something I need to get him counseling for? Is he serious? Does he understand what this really means? (Without too detailed in my kid's personal lives, understand that we adopted special needs children and depression is something we knew he may inherit. Hence my extremely overboard freak-out panic.) So after I called my darling husband to freak out... he did his job... calmed me down, and reminded me to get the whole story prior to allowing my emotions to dictate my response. (Good job Hunny! I really needed that kick in the pants to remind me who I am and how we want our children to be raised.)
I proceeded to get off the phone & begin a "Conversation" with my Son. He explained that after he and his 3 friends had an encounter with a girl from his school.. (She has been the topic of MANY issues with trying to force her opinions on him or bossing him, and yes even getting physical with him by either shoving or trying to kick him & others.) Bottom line, she was doing this again and it turned physical just as they were finishing recess, so this time the boys decided if they could no longer have fun at school without her intervening, that they would just have to kill themselves to get away from her antics. Do I think they meant it LITERALLY... no. But the fact that they went there at all, worries me. When children see a situation hopeless enough to want to "disappear" to avoid the conflict any longer, then unfortunately I and the adults in charge have failed these kids miserably.
As he & I went over the words they had chosen, and what they truly meant, I reminded him that "Words are power". I then explained how if he were truly gone, just how much I would miss his hugs, Daddy would miss his laughter, and MJ would miss having an amazing Big Brother to teach him about life and fun, we both began to cry... The seriousness of his words hit us both at once like having the air knocked out of your soul... I hugged him & explained that I was not trying to make him feel worse, but that he must understand the bigger picture of what he said and the consequences of what that truly means. It was an emotional talk and also a good talk. I think he has a new understanding of JUST how valuable he is to all of those people who love him and how missed he would be.
I plan to meet with his teacher & the school admin once they are back. (Both are out for a few days unfortunately) but I have instructed him and the staff at school to be aware, and to support him in his self empowerment to be able to tell her to "Please leave me alone if you cannot be nice" & to seek the help of the staff if she does not back off.
He has the right to be at school without being stalked by someone who sees him as an easy target because he tends to wear his heart on his sleeve. I feel helpless to protect him from the emotional pain that some kids can inflict upon those who may be a bit more sensitive... My kiddo has a HUGE HEART, and no he isn't perfect, but he isn't aggressive or a tormentor like I have seen from some children. He is calm and a "helper" and loves to mentor the younger children. He is a patient and AWESOME Big Brother and it breaks my heart to see him let another child hurt him for being who he is. I LOVE who he is, and I don't want him to TOUGHEN UP to survive... I love that he is sensitive and loving and a goofball who just wants to have everyone around him love him... I also understand this may not be realistic in this world... I also want him protected...
So my question to the universe is>>>>>>>>>>>>> How do I protect him from this and teach him to be self empowered without losing his gentleness... How?
My heart is just breaking for him.
2/6 Update:
The next day all the kids gathered to talk about what happened. They all had a chance to tell this little girl how she made them feel. In the end, she apologized & seemed genuinely sorry. & in his own words... "Mom, now we are like best friends!" (too bad adults cannot forgive & forget so easily... If we could deal with world issues like these kiddos, I wonder what our world would look like? hmmm...)
No comments:
Post a Comment